


Left Unsaid

by mariabutnothill



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, M/M, i got so many ideas from twitter, lose somebody, sorry for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariabutnothill/pseuds/mariabutnothill
Summary: His emotional pain is making him feel as if he’s floating above everything as if nothing is really happening. Did Billie seriously try to kill him? Did Cas…?Or: Dean realizes he's lost Cas for good.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 12





	Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> So, apparently, they filmed a scene in which Dean screams Cas's name and the neighbors heard that? Don't quote me on that, but that's just one of the many things that are floating around and I would honestly not be surprised if it's real.  
> Anyway, this is short and it doesn't have a happy ending.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> Blood, suicidal thoughts, mentions of vomiting, anxiety/panic attack.

It’s cold. Why is it so cold? It’s not even fall, and he’s sure as hell that it wasn’t that cold before. Did The Empty make everything cold?

No, he knows it didn’t.

He can feel the blood on his jacket hardening as the seconds pass by. What the hell happened in the span of five minutes?

His face feels the coldest, and he can only blame it on the tears, the silent tears that roll down without even asking for permission. Apparently, they’re the only ones with free will.

“Cas…” why is his voice so hoarse? Did he scream? He can’t remember, he’s not sure of it. He doesn’t want to remember if he did so.

_You changed me, Dean._

He groans in pain, _emotional_ pain, and brings his hands to his eyes one more time. The phone vibrates by his side, and all he can do it grab it and toss it across the damn room. Why the fuck is Sam calling?

He catches his hand between his teeth to stop an anguishing sob, and bites, and bites, and the iron-like taste that fills his mouth takes him back to the time he turned into a vampire. But he doesn’t stop, he needs the physical pain to get a grip on reality, the same way he has always done throughout the years.

His emotional pain is making him feel as if he’s floating above everything as if nothing is really happening. Did Billie seriously try to kill him? Did Cas…?

This time he can’t stop the agonizing yelp of pain he lets go, a yelp that quickly drowns in more sobs and tears, and he’s soon choking on them.

_Whatishappeningwhatishappeningwhatishappeningwhatishappeningwhatishappeningwhatishappening._

This should be a happy day.

“Me too…” the weight of the world on his shoulders is lifted off. His heart no longer feels agonizingly heavy with bottled up emotions, but now it is rather filled with sadness, anger, and impotence. “Me too.”

He stands up, his whole body heavy, and runs across the room to the door, the damn door. He bangs it with a hand, then both, and he loses track of how much time he keeps doing this. It’s not until he sees his blood mixed with Cas’s that he stops and chokes on sobs again.

Why. Just why.

He walks back to the living room but immediately regrets it. So many memories. The couch, God, he’s about to fucking burn that motherfucking couch.

_“I… I can’t sleep.” He finally admits. The angel sighs and pats the space by his side._

_“Let’s watch a movie, then. Or a show. Eileen talked a lot about this show…” he’s no longer paying attention, not really. His eyes move down to Cas’s lips, God, why can’t he just say it?_

_“Yeah, yeah, let’s do it.” The way his eyes lit up, how can he not be too far gone?_

_“I’ll make some popcorn for you.” He squeezes his knee. Fuck. Doesn’t he know the effect he has on Dean?_

He turns and grabs his keys.

A faint rumble, and he freezes. No, he’s not going back there, forget it. But his phone is somehow still alive, and it’s still ringing…

He has to brace himself against the wall to avoid falling to the ground when his knees give up.

He’s about to throw up thanks to how much everything hurts.

He grabs his phone from the ground and stares at the wall.

“Cas… me too.” And he’s sobbing again. “Cas… Cas…” he can feel his chest tightening, his lungs burning, the space reducing.

_Cas Cas Cas Cas Cas Cas Cas Cas Cas Cas Cas Cas…_

He doesn’t care if he’s saying it out loud, he has to get out.

When he finally manages to get hit by the sun, he is also hit with the most painful thing.

Cas loves him, and he’s gone. And Dean is there, but he can’t tell him he loves him back.

Another agonizing scream is heard across the streets, followed by the same name repeated over and over again.

“CAS. CAS. CAS.” His throat feels raw, but he doesn’t care. Cas, where’s Cas? Have you seen Cas?

His knees give up again and he hits the dirt. They crack, but he’s too focused on his misery to give them a second thought. He can’t stop screaming his name, searching for him, closing his eyes as he tries to find their profound bound to lead him to the angel.

He’s gone. _Gone._

And he’s still there, with nothing but pain and anger and a million things that were left unsaid.

He stops screaming when Jack calls. He ignores it but stands, on his way to drive towards what he hopes is his death.


End file.
